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Why I’m Giving Up On Internet Dating

2 December; Author: Niyija

It’s been almost six years since my divorce and I’ve’ve been on and off internet dating sites since then: with no success.

Internet dating

I have corresponded with, talked to and met dozens of men in coffee shops and restaurants. I’ve even dated a few, but none who were right for me.

Here’s the thing – the older you are, the more difficult it is to meet potential partners

Most of my friends are married and they socialise with other married couples. I do have a couple of single friends, but they’re mostly in the same boat as me!

I have taken the bull by the horns and tried speed dating (hopeless) and dinner dating (hilarious but no luck).

So, after throwing away thousands of rands on internet dating, I’m not renewing my current subscriptions.

Here’s why I think internet dating is a problem:

1. People lie about their looks

I don’t know about women, but almost every second man over 50 claims to have an athletic body and to be very attractive. Really? By 50, most of us are sagging somewhat – I swear the force of gravity becomes stronger!

I do not expect an Adonis, but neither do I wish to date a guy who looks like he’s about to give birth to triplets. Average is just fine.

Posting a photo of yourself from 10 years ago is dishonest and misleading. I met one guy who I didn’t even recognise (until he started waving madly) because he was twice the size of the man in his profile photo!

2. People lie about their age

It is amazing how many men I’ve met who have turned out to be many years older than they actually are. Seems men think if they look younger, they can say they’re younger. Some shave 10 years off their age! When I’ve’ve queried this (on meeting them), they say that I would never have met them otherwise.

Seriously? Talk about misrepresenting yourself. I think this happens partly because most men want to date women a lot younger than themselves.

3. It’s time consuming

Instead of being out there getting on with your life, doing things you enjoy doing and meeting people with similar interests, you’re sitting hunched up over your computer checking out how many fans you have, who’s looked at your profile and who’s written to you. It can become seriously addictive, especially if you don’t have much of a social life! Eish, sad really.

4. You’re just one of many

There are so many profiles to choose from. You are just one in a thousand (or more)! You are able to specify what age, race, body type, culture, financial circumstances, place they live, etc. You then choose them as “favourites” and show up as a “fan”. If someone doesn’t like you back, it’s okay (well maybe a little hurtful), because they’re just one of many. Only the occasional man starts corresponding with you first – gone are the days when men felt they needed to do the pursuing.

These days, many wait for you to write to them…. and then the vast majority don’t even bother responding. I guess the same goes for them – you’re just one of many. Sometimes you feel a real bond with someone you’re chatting to, then they suddenly go AWOL – I guess, someone better came along. As I’ve said before, you need the hide of a rhino!

5. It’s all very superficial

You’re trying to market yourself, so the emails shared are usually flirty and upbeat. You’re hardly likely to write to him after a long, difficult day when you’re feeling tired or down. So, sometimes the picture you get in your head isn’t at all the same as the person you eventually meet or get to know.

6. There’s a false sense of intimacy

It seems because it’s in writing, there’s a false sense of intimacy. After one or two messages, I’ve’ve received flowery love letters waxing lyrical about our future together when they don’t even know me. Relationships take time to develop and mature, but internet dating seems to move very quickly to the nitty gritty!

I think one needs to remember that you can be whoever you want to be on the internet

It is only on meeting up in person that you start getting to know the real person behind the facade.

I’m going to take my chances and trust that someday, when the time is right, a fabulous oke (perfect for me) will bump into me while I’m shopping, walking the dogs, doing a cooking class, taking a dance class or browsing through books in a bookshop.

I’ll feel the earth move under my feet and recognise that this is “the one”. In the meantime, I’ll get my dose of romance from watching soppy movies and reading love stories!

Copied from All4Woman

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