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Don’t get married before asking & answering these questions

3 November; Author: Niyija

Honesty and open communication are essential for a successful marriage. These questions are not deal breakers but they will raise important issues you may want to discuss before you tie the knot.
(List borrowed, adapted and condensed from http://onlyartblog.wordpress.com and the bestseller Don’t You Get Married Until You Read This! The Book of Questions for Couples by Corey Donaldson.)

wedding questions

  • If the physical attraction died in our marriage, what would be left?
  • How do you want me to show you that I love you?
  • If I put on weight, will it affect our relationship? How?
  • Is it important for you to know whether I’m a virgin? Why or why not?
  • What do I do that causes you to question or doubt my love?
  • What turns you on?
  • What turns you off?
  • How would our relationship be affected if we could not have children?
  • Do you still have any feelings for an ex that could be revived if they wanted you back?
  • Do you keep letters and mementos from past relationships? Why or why not?
  • Are you comfortable marrying me if there are things in my past that I am not willing to share with you?
  • Did your mother or father abuse each other or you in any way – sexually, emotionally, or physically?
  • Have you ever been violent in past relationships?
  • Have there been times when you were uncomfortable with the way I behaved with the opposite sex? If so, when and what did I do?
  • What do I do now or what could I do in the future that would make you mistrust me?
  • Would you be comfortable transferring all your money into my bank account?
  • Is trust automatic until something occurs that takes it away, or does it evolve over time?
  • Would you be ok with me reading your phone messages or email and would you want to read mine?
  • Do you plan to maintain your single lifestyle after we are married? That is, will you spend just as much time with your friends, family and work colleagues? Why or why not?
  • How did your family resolve conflicts when you were growing up? Do you approve or disapprove of that method? What will you change or not change to resolve conflicts in your future family?
  • Is there anything about marriage that frightens you?
  • Would you prefer to live in the city, the country, or by the beach? Why?
  • Do you like pets?
  • If I wanted to move away from our families for work, would you support me?
  • How would it affect you if I travel on my own frequently to (1) visit family, (2) earn income, (3) pursue a hobby, or (4) deal with stress?
  • Suppose we are experiencing trouble in our marriage. In what order will you seek help from the following to resolve our conflicts: (1) divorce lawyer, (2) your parents, (3) a brother or sister (4) a marriage counsellor, (5) me, (6) a church leader? Why?
  • How do you feel about having our parents come to live with us if the need arises?
  • How will we schedule holidays with our families?
  • If we are unable to have children, would you be willing to adopt?
  • Do you anticipate raising our children (1) the same way you were raised (2) completely differently from the way you were raised (3) a mixture of both?
  • How long would you like to wait before having children?
  • When we have children, who will change the nappies, heat the bottles, prepare the meals, do the housework, bathe the child, get up in the middle of the night when a child is crying, take the child to the doctor, buy clothing, and dress the child?
  • What types of discipline would you implement to correct a child’s or a teenager’s behaviour? Were these practices you experienced or are they new ones you have developed on your own?
  • If I had bad breath or body odour, would you tell me? Should I tell you? Why or why not? How should we do it?
  • What is nagging? Do I nag? How does it make you feel?
  • Do you approve of the way I dress?
  • Would it bother you if I made body noises, like passing gas or burping?
  • Do you believe that you should stick with a marriage if you are unhappy all the time?
  • When do you need space away from me?
  • Whenever we have difficult feelings about each other, should we (1) remain silent, (2) say something as soon as the difficult feelings arise, (3) wait a certain amount of time before raising the issue, or (4) do something else? If so, what?
  • If you always say you are going to do something but never do it, what is the most effective way to bring this problem to your attention?
  • What did you admire about the way your mother and father treated each other?
  • What is the best way for me to communicate difficult feelings about you so that you are not offended?
  • Who should know about the arguments we have?
  • What makes you not want to talk to me?
  • Do you feel you could communicate with me under any circumstance and about any subject?
  • What justifies going into debt?
  • What are all your current personal debts?
  • Do you feel stress when facing financial problems? How do you deal with that stress?
  • How often do you use credit cards, and what do you buy with them?
  • How should we prepare for a financial emergency?
  • Do you feel that lack of money is a good reason not to have children?
  • When our child is born, will he or she go to day care or will one of us stay home to take care of the child? Who will it be?
  • Will we have a budget?
  • Who will pay the bills?
  • How do you feel about helping me pay my debts?
  • What are your feelings about saving money?
  • Do you prefer separate bank accounts or assets in different names? Why?
  • Are you closer to your mother or father? Why?
  • What do you fear?
  • What influence, if any, do you believe my family should have on our relationship?
  • Do you believe that our parents should know our financial condition, whether good or bad, just because they want to? How far should this go?
  • What are your views on pornography?
  • How would you react if our son or daughter told us they were gay?
  • Do you harbour any racial prejudice?
  • How do you feel about having guns in our home?
  • Is there anyone close to you who feels we should not get married? Why? Should we this?
  • What health problems do you have?
  • Have you ever had any psychological problems?
  • When you are in a bad mood, how should I deal with it?


Copied from All4Woman

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